Let's take off our masks and connect
- Kelly Davies
- Feb 9, 2023
- 3 min read
This week started with a dress down day at my children's school where they got to decide what to wear to school to express themselves and connect as part of Children's mental wellbeing week.
My daughter has a story she likes me to read to her called 'The Friendship Bench' It is about a little girl who starts at a new school and feels lonely. Spotting her on her own, her teacher shows her the friendship bench and lets her know that it is a place to sit to let others know that you would like company. A lovely idea to give children a place to go to let others know how they feel and invite company.
Today she came home talking about feelings. In her nursery class they had spent the day learning about feelings and choosing which feeling to put their name to on the board. She went on to tell me that one of her friends who joined her class recently was sad and she asked her if she would like to play to cheer her up. With the theme of this year being about connection, this made me smile, its working, children are learning.
It got me thinking, what can we learn from them?
Expression, connection and the leadership mask
Children were invited to "dress to express" - to share a little something about themselves in what they chose to wear. Inviting and celebrating their individuality in this way enabled them to see, value and appreciate the similarities and differences between them. Creating an environment where the whole person is valued which fosters a sense of belonging.
On the other hand, in the workplace, leaders are often encouraged or feel the need to wear masks. Wearing a mask is in many ways the opposite of "dressing to express". It is argued that these masks are necessary to demonstrate confidence and control. In times of challenge and crisis, it is possible to see how this may be necessary. What are the downsides? Is it possible to lead authentically and wear a mask?
Authenticity is defined as being true to your values. This doesn't mean expressing everything to everyone - all our different roles in life result in us being seen through a different lens.
Neither does it seem to fit well with putting parts of yourself behind a mask.
Listening to a podcast with Brené Brown sharing her reflections on vulnerability and it struck me the that the lack of vulnerability young children feel is what enables them to reach out and connect so freely.
In the context of encouraging connection, the problem with the mask is that it hides any vulnerability. And showing vulnerability helps us to connect. Being vulnerable is sharing a part of you with those that have earnt trust and having the confidence to trust in yourself and what you share. For example, it could be a leader sharing with their team their own personal development objective, showing that they are still learning and growing too and showing it is more than ok for them to be doing so too.
Finding your own comfortable way to show vulnerability and invite others to do so. Creating your very own 'friendship bench'.
Place2Be
Place2Be, Children's Mental Health charity, who sponsor Children's Mental Health week have developed some great resources with activities to help children to understand the importance of and build connections.
There are a couple of ideas that would make great work team building activities.
Let's connect bingo: to get to know a bit more about your team members
Hula hoop connections: a bit of physical problem solving passing a hula hoop around a circle whilst sharing something that connects them to other team members
Watch
Dr Peter Fuda presents a perspective on the leadership masks, the reasons they are formed, the drawbacks of wearing them and how leaders develop their authentic leadership style and take off their mask. Great graphics, short and easy to watch!
Read
If you have children, especially starting or changing schools, this is a lovely book.
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